The Magic of Christmas

I love this time of year.  Not because of the presents and all the hoopla that surrounds Christmas and New Years, etc. but because of the magic.  There is a mystical feeling that sits in the air the entire month of December that I just can't help but get sucked into. 

When I was a little kid, probably until the age of about 7 or 8, I would get so excited on Christmas morning that I would sneak down stairs before it was even light out to peek at the tree and see if Santa had come.  Once or twice I actually caught my parents still wrapping - God bless you Mom & Dad that you'd stay up until 3 in the morning wrapping and getting things done if you had to so that we didn't lose a single moment of magic Christmas morning.  I still remember that feeling, I have the memory tucked away where I sneak down and look into the living room and the entire room is sparkling.  All I saw was the magic in the air, clearly left behind from Santa himself.  After taking a sneak peak at any "big gifts" left unwrapped I'd sneak back up to bed to try to wait until it was time to get up.  Laying in my bed though, I'd get so worked up with excitement, that I literally would get sick.  Year after year, I spent the early morning of Christmas puking with anticipation.  My poor mother...

There was the one year that after I got sick, both my brother and sister did too...  Pretty sure that one wasn't my fault.  Anyhow, there was nothing special that my parents did to the room to make it sparkle.  We had a regular tree with regular lights and yes, my parents did spoil us on Christmas - They still do, but that was it.  In my memory though, the entire room was twinkling, like the inside of a snow globe filled with gold glitter.  It is so vivid in my mind still today.

I hate that as we grow older we have to lose that sense of wonder.  Of course teenagers are miserable, it's like they just found out that all the best parts of their world aren't actually real!  It's not until you have children of your own that you get to relive the magical element of the holidays again.  My daughter just turned two and I for one am so excited to see how she reacts to Christmas this year.  She's still a little young to grasp it all, but there is a blossom forming within her heart already.

As an adult though, the magic I see around the holidays is watching the way people care for others.  I saw a post recently on facebook that warmed my heart.  I wish I could find it to share, I will keep looking.  Anyhow, a woman on her way home from work crossed paths with a homeless man who had offered to do some odd jobs in exchange for cash.  She didn't own a home with a yard to be worked on or have a car that could be cleaned, but just the same she asked the man what it was that he needed.  He kindly informed her that he had a North Face coat on hold at a consignment store down the street that he wanted to purchase, but that they would only hold it until the end of the day. 

When she posted her story to share with others, it was not to brag about how awesome she was for going with the man to buy him a jacket on a freezing cold day, but to share with the world that there are people out there who will literally do almost anything for a warm coat.  Here we are complaining about being cold as we are bundled up out and about during the day, but there are so many people who don't have a warm place to come home to at the end of the day.       

I was reminded of this story over the weekend as I watched one of my favorite holiday movies White Christmas, and I got all twisted up listening to Bing Crosby sing "Count your Blessings."  If listening to this doesn't fill your heart with contentment, I'm not sure what will!  "When I worry and I can't sleep, I count my blessing in stead of sheep.  And I fall asleep, counting my blessings."

Tonight, and all this holiday season as we all stress over how to keep up with the bills and fight through snow storms...  Take the time to stop look for the magic in the air.  Look for one minute through the eyes of a child and don't forget to count your blessings every night before you fall asleep.

One week until Christmas Eve....   Enjoy every minute of it!

           This is as close as I could find for how I remember my childhood Christmas to look! 

The importance of importance...

What makes you feel important in life?  I know this is a loaded question, but apparently having a feeling of importance is one of the key elements to finding personal and professional happiness.  So, think about it for a minute and see if you can pinpoint a few specific things that really define who you are as a person.  It's funny how highly valued modesty is in our society, and yet a solid sense of self importance is what moves us, it's what defines our lives.

Many of the motivating factors in our lives are built around our own need for self importance.  Everyone needs to feel important, it's a natural component in building self esteem.  When we feel important we feel more confident in who we are as human beings and what we bring to the world around us.  Though this sense of importance shows itself in different ways and in different levels of intensity for different people, the overall concept is the same for all.

Why is it though that often times in order to feel a sense of importance ourselves, we need to feel as though we are above others?  In fact for some people, the only way for them to feel important is if they are climbing the backs of those around them.  This is especially true of women competing against other women.  Retract the claws ladies.  Believe it or not, working together will get you a hell of a lot farther than behaving like caddy little school girls.  Plus it is really annoying!   

I know, it is natural to search out that feeling of importance by any means possible, but STOP...  Think for a second, what is the harm in allowing others to feel important?  Are we lesser people, have we accomplished less ourselves, if we allow someone else to feel good?  Believe it or not, in the long run we get more from building each other up than by putting one another down.  Sure, it might feel good for a minute to make fun of someone, or to gossip behind someones back.  It certainly livens up a boring or stressful work environment too.  We've all been there at one point or another, but relationships built on such rocky ground hold very little weight when it really counts.

Put your energy to better use and you will find your return on investment will be ten fold.  Don't be afraid to be the least important person in the room.  Seriously.  In fact, make it your goal.  I know that sounds a little drastic and crazy, but I don't mean for you to literally make yourself the least important person.  What I mean is for you to make it a point to build the people up around you.  Try to worry less about making YOU feel important and focus on making those around you feel important.  Watch what happens when you do this too...  You'll be shocked when you realize that this action inherently makes people want to put you on a pedestal.  When you encourage others to talk about themselves, you immediately become more interesting.  After all most people are 100% more interested in their own interests.

Pretty obvious right?  Then why do we all half listen in conversations, while half thinking about what we are going to say next, trying to control ourselves from interrupting.  Yup - it's one of my go-to moves.  I have to remind myself to focus on what is being said, so I guess you could say I am doing 1/3 listening, 1/3 thinking about what to say next and 1/3 trying not to.  No matter how hard you have to try to fight the urge, do it!  There is nothing that can make a person feel less important than talking to someone who is constantly interrupting and bringing the topic back to themselves.

I am obsessed with the book "How to Win Friends & Influence People" by Dale Carnegie.  Horrible title, brilliant book!  Dale Carnegie spends an entire section of his book on this topic siting examples of historic leaders who lived their lives by this philosophy.  If you ever get the chance to read (or listen to) this book, I promise you won't be disappointed.  I guess it has been in the top sellers list for near to a century for a reason.        

And because everyone needs a little Modern Family in their lives...  Here's a funny clip that somehow manages to show you both sides of what I wrote about all in two minutes time!   http://youtu.be/uZgmsgw1Xw8.  Enjoy. 

The battle of weird vs. normal

People are weird.  I admit it, even as a person who truly enjoys talking to and understanding different types of people, it is clear to me that there is no such thing as "normal."  It's funny how much time and energy is spent on trying to BE normal though, when the reality of it is that there is no such thing.  Because we are all weird in our own ways though, and since we tend to connect with people who have similar values, ideas, etc., we end up creating our own normal within our circles of friends & family.  You want to see an example of this played out in real life?  Just watch one episode of Wife Swap and you will clearly see what I mean.

Where the battle of weird vs. normal is so subjective and every person on the planet has their own idea of what each of those words means, why is it that as a rule, acceptance is so hard for people to grasp?  For some, the wisdom of acceptance comes with age, for others with experience...  And then, I am pretty sure there are those who will just never understand.

Unfortunately, I have been the victim of poor judgement many a time in my life and career.  Sometimes it is difficult to see past a person's physical appearance or unique personality traits to see what valuable assets are hiding in there.  Many of the volunteer leaders that I work with would tell you that this is a topic that I love to discuss.  In general, volunteers are a unique breed of human being anyhow... and I mean that in the BEST sort of way of couse, but just like everywhere else, there are some that just can't help but wear a trench coat at the most inopportune time.  (If any of you are out there reading, admit it... you love it when I come up with these things, right?)

See my problem is that I love people.  I can't help but find something positive in every interaction, it is just a natural part of who I am.  p.s. It is also part of what makes ME a weirdo, but that's ok.  The way I see it, every single person out there is carrying a golden nugget of sorts.  You know, that one thing about them that makes them special or unique.  Sometimes they carry it in places where it is easy to see, like confidence or beauty, and other times you have to really go digging to find it.  None the less, I promise you, it is there.  If we don't force ourselves to look deeper into our daily interactions for the "more" that exists, then we are merely living on the surface and are missing out on countless opportunities for more.

Emerson said, "Every man I meet is my superior in some way.  In that I learn of him."  I love this saying.  One, because it is so true.. and two, because it provides a different perspective on how to view those around you.  When we take the time to look for the deeper value in those around us, we will learn more about ourselves and as a result grow as a stronger more accepting community of weirdos... Oops, I meant people!

Here is another favorite image of mine for you to enjoy.  Not exactly on topic, but I am sure you can make the connection without too much trouble.   

   

A family that plays together

I am sure you've heard the saying, "A family that plays together, stays together." I have a hundred times.  Though, when I went to google it today to be sure I got it right, I found that there are a dozen variations of it, some normal, and some very unusual!  Apparently some families actually "Prey Together," who knew?  Regardless of how the saying has been butchered over the years, I wanted to talk a little bit about family today and this seemed like a good place to start.

I have been given the gift of a huge family.  Yup, it is a gift.  Sometimes it feels like the $5 check in a card from a great Aunt and other times it feels like I hit the lottery, but it is a gift all the same.  My poor husband comes from a small family that is scattered across the country, so I can only imagine what runs through his mind half the time as we power through one insane family party after another.  Secretly I think he loves it too or he would have walked away years ago, right?

Anyhow, as my family is struggling through the loss of my Aunt at the very young age of 45, I can't help but watch the family dynamic as I look for answers.  Grief brings out both the best and the worst in people and families.  I'd be lying if I said that there wasn't a whole lot of tension, but it is a whole lot more than that too.  I am the type who prefers to connect with each person more one to one, so I have had the privilege of getting a lot of different perspectives over the last week.  During that time I have heard a lot of truths both positive and negative, a lot of people's feelings both justified and not and a lot of worry, support and love.

I am not exactly sure why we are so tough on the ones we love most.  Sometimes when feelings are hurt or hearts are breaking, it is easy to jump to conclusions or judge someone where we might have normally been able to look for the bigger picture.  It is hard for me to see my family struggling and in some instances even arguing when I know how much each of them is struggling.  It is when we are hurting though that we need each other the most.  This is the time when we need to forget about the old issues and come together as one to tackle the biggest hurt of all, losing someone too soon.   

I will say this much though, at the heart of all the chatter and frustration I have seen the silver lining too.  I think my cousin put it best when she posted "With our family being so big, it was so amazing and comforting to watch them one by one filling my grandmother's house this evening to come together to support one another over one of my Auntie's favorite meals-my grandmother's homemade spaghetti and meat sauce."  

We may not always get along, we may not even always like each other...  but the love of a strong family in unbreakable.  I am proud of the values that my parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents have instilled in each and every one of us and know that we will get past this hurdle as well as the many more that we will face in the years to come.  This week in honor of my Aunt I am asking each of you to find time to play with your family.  (or pray, or prey... what ever your style may be)  Find time to let loose, get silly, reminisce about the past and plan something fun for the future.  At the end of the day, is there really anything more important anyhow?  

Love you and miss you Auntie Jeanne.  

 Me, my brother and my Aunt from right to left

     Auntie Jeanne last Christmas

On the path to greatness

I am on the path to greatness... well, I am trying to be!  Though I have many goals that I am trying to tackle, i.e. loose the extra weight I gained while pregnant with my daughter, buy a house, etc.  The most important of them for me is continuing on my path to be a better version of myself.  I am one of those crazy people who really gets a lot out of self help books.  No, not the ones where you meditate and listen to some Yoda guy babble on about spirituality... Though I am sure those work for some people, I much prefer a book where you get tangible tools and examples to work from.  And, I should point out... as my Mother would say, "Does it really count as reading it if you listen to the book?"  I don't have an answer for that, but I am obsessed with Audible.com and "read" so much more when I can listen in the car, at the gym or while doing dishes.  

So, long story short, I have been "reading" a book called the Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor.  One of the key topics in the book is about cause and effect.  We often say to ourselves things like, Once I loose the weight, I'll be happy; or, once I get a new job, I can focus on my family.  The author of this book encourages us to look at it from the opposite perspective, and I think he has a great point!  Rather than waiting to loose weight to be happy or feel good, find ways to be happy and you will feel more encouraged and motivated to accomplish your goals.

I am going to test this theory.  I want to feel happier every day and in order to do that I need to feel like I am making a difference in the world.  I can't control all the areas that I want to change, but I can always change me.  So, here's my plan...  I am going to make it a priority each and every day to reach out to one person and tell them how I appreciate them.  Shawn Achor says that it takes 21 days to form a life habit, so for each of the next 21 days I will reach out to one person and share with them my gratitude.  It will be a different person each of the 21 days and as suggested I am going to give specifics.  i.e. not just "Thanks for being a good friend" but a detailed reason as to why each person is special and important to me.  Then I can report back to you and let you know how it goes!  

I already know where I plan to start.  Today I am going to reach out to my Aunt Angela and let her know how incredible I think she is for caring for my Aunt Jeanne in her final days (months) and for taking in my young cousin now that my Aunt is gone.  Wish me luck, and feel free to experiment with me!  As always I love getting comments and hearing your feedback.