The Seasons of Life

It is amazing sometimes how we can be completely wrapped up in our present day reality.  I mean, what is there beyond today?  I think if I knew the answer to that question I'd be a millionaire.  You know, because I'd know the lottery numbers to play, obviously!  Though what we feel today can often seem like all we will ever feel, there are so many different seasons in life for us to experience.  I said this over the weekend (another part of the same conversation with my sister - luckily a little more pc than my previous post) and the phrase and concept of the seasons of life seem to be still lingering in my mind today. 

With a large family like mine especially,  we go through hundreds of these seasons together, each one uniquely strange and different, yet somehow consistent at the same time.  (More on my crazy family in my previous post A Family that Plays Together)  If you are lucky enough to have a family like mine, one that has stuck through it year in and year out, decade after decade... then you will see what I mean.  Relationships ebb and flow constantly.  There are times when we become extremely close with certain people, and connect daily, and then somehow weeks and months will go by with no more than a "like" on a Facebook photo or a quick hug at a family party.  Somehow though, the cycle always begins again, almost as if the universe (or God) sees that we are drifting and creates obstacles that shove us back together again.

Most recently, with my Aunt passing late fall and shortly after my best friend losing her Mom I have been baffled at the family dynamic even more than usual.  We really do give our worst to the people we love most.  My Mom always says this about kids.  She says that children always give the worst of what they have to their mother, and yet again...  she's right, but does it go beyond that?

I wish we had some sort of a timeline, or even just an outline of our lives in advance so that we could better appreciate what was in front of us, and also better deal with the challenging parts.  My outline the last few years would look like this...

2001-2003:  Tough post college adjustment period
2004: Party time - live it up!
2005:  Life comes crashing down, but it won't last long
2005-2007:  Career building success
2008:  Married bliss
2009-2011:  Difficult period waiting to start a family
2012-2013:  Insanely busy, motherhood is super hard - but happy

Seriously, I don't need details - but knowing that much would have made the crappy parts so much easier to handle, and the fun parts that much more fun! 

I said I didn't need details, but if I could add one thing, it would be the status of the relationships in my life too.  Right now there are a number of relationships that sit in the core of my being that I can't imagine living with out.  That being said, they weren't always that strong.  It wasn't more than a few years ago when I found myself centered around different relationships, and a few years from now where will things be?

My brother said to me not too long ago, "But how do you choose...  how can you choose which people to give the  most of your time to, It doesn't seem fair, but if I give equal measures to everyone I have nothing left."  There is no right or wrong answer to this, but I do think that it is a part of life.  Those of us who are lucky enough to have lots of people we care about often have to pick and choose where to focus the majority of our time.  More often than not, I think it just happens naturally and in my case, usually with out me even knowing.

Anyhow, I chose to write about this today,  not to enlighten anyone with brilliant answers, but to get our minds thinking.  To remind us all (mostly me) that it is OK for us to drift in and out occasionally.  We will always find ways to keep the most important relationships alive and flourishing.  Be patient when you don't feel like you are getting the attention you want from someone you care about.  Give them the space they need to get caught up in life, but keep the friendship alive by reaching out here and there.  If it is meant to be, it won't remain one sided for ever, and you just never know.  You may find yourself on the other side of the equation when the next season arrives.

My Sister has Balls...!

Over the weekend my sister and I got into a long conversation about acceptance and understanding of the people we love.  What was really interesting about this conversation though was how she views herself amidst our family dynamic.  Somehow it can be really easy to see those around us, but we miss the boat when it comes to seeing ourselves clearly.  I wonder why that is?  I mean, we spend way more time with our own thoughts and following our own path than we do with others.  Even the saying “You can’t really know a man unless you’ve walked a mile in his shoes” leads us to believe that we should be experts on our own lives, but in fact it couldn’t be farther from the truth in some cases.  

I spend a lot of time thinking about my own shortcomings.  Not so say that I spend a lot of time feeling sad, or putting myself down, but in reflecting on how my actions affect those around me.  I guess depending on how you look at it, it can be both a blessing and a curse.  The way I see it though, if there is room for growth, I want to be the first to know about it!  Much like the rest of the world…  I have about a million and one things that I can be better at, so the biggest challenge is always deciding what is most important to the most important people in my world and how does that impact my own personal goals and feelings.  Don’t get me wrong… I am not out to change myself so that everyone around me has an easier go of it, but yet to be the best version of myself to make me feel good about what I am giving to the world each and every day.  

I found a poem when I was in middle school that I loved so much I put it on a piece of paper and tucked it away in my jewelry box.  I come across it every now and again still and am always amazed at how it continues to be extremely relevant to my life.  I may have been a chunky, dorky 13 year old kid, but at least I had a little bit of sense!  Here is a link to the poem as I remember it for you to enjoy.  The Man in the Glass.

Anyhow, back to my sister…   We were musing over our youngest brother and his spur of the moment two week trip to Europe.  Somehow my sister had decided for herself that she is the least daring of us three kids.  And fair enough, she is seeing it through her own eyes with her own experiences, but the reality of the bigger picture is that she is the biggest risk taker of us all.  When I explained this to her and laid out the reasoning behind my feelings she had an Ah Ha moment, and in true fashion for my sister (those of you who know her will understand what I mean) she said “Wow, I’ve got balls!  I never knew that about myself.  You should blog about that…. It can be called, My Sister has Balls!”  Well, here we are…   ha ha

I think it is important to take the time to get to know ourselves.  If we can’t come to terms with ourselves, with our own minds and what makes us tick then we can’t begin to understand and relate to the people around us.  When something causes you stress or frustration in your daily routine, or as you interact with friends, family, co-workers, etc. try to figure out what might be at the root of your feelings.  Often times I even surprise myself when I do this as our minds are not always as rational as we want them to be.  On a regular basis I have to challenge myself.  If you were a fly on the wall inside of my head you’d hear me asking myself over and over again…  Is it me?  Am I reading too much into this?  And lately, as I am adjusting to a new work environment and a new team, You’ll hear me saying “It’s ok to not get it right the first time around…   It’s ok to not know the answers…” 

Thanks to my sister for her fabulous blog topic (and title…  I think?)  On a fun note I think the time is right for me to announce that I am going to be an Auntie!!  (I have lots of fabulous nieces and nephews, but this is her first baby)  Yeah!  

 
Picture of me, my brother and sister making our "game faces" while sucking at bowling!  (well, I was sucking at it at least...) 

Are you happy?

Is this the question of the year, or what?  

Happiness can be defined about a thousand different ways, but what does it mean to you?  For me, the root of my happiness stems from strength in relationships; a feeling of being connected to the people I love.  Don’t get me wrong, there are many other factors that each plays a part for me as well, such as success, pride, likability.  (Yes, part of my happiness comes from my desire to be liked.  Right or wrong, it is real… and what’s the point of putting yourself out there if you aren’t going to put it ALL out there!)

I guess you could say that this entire adventure in blogging began with a desire to achieve happiness.  I found myself missing certain pieces of my happiness puzzle and started on a mission to fill those gaps.  They say positivity begets positivity, and I am pretty sure that this is true of most things, including happiness.  When you create happiness, you feel happier.  Therefore, blogging about positivity and life experiences should help me to create some positive life experiences for myself, right?  

There seems to be a lot of “soul searching” happening around me these days actually.  I am beginning to wonder if, like marriage, this is a challenge that we need to meet head on each and every day to maintain success.  It is just so easy to slip back into complaisance though.  It is so easy to see friends and acquaintances posting pictures about their perfect lives on Facebook and feel as though ours pales in comparison.  

I am guilty of this almost every day.  I have to remind myself that I am not the only person living a “real life” experience here.  Yes, one of my best friends who is a stay at home Mom gets to do all sorts of fun things with her kids, and is able to make time in her life to exercise.  She is losing all the weight I need to lose, she does brilliant projects like bring snow inside for the kids to experiment with, and quite frankly I am jealous.  No, not the “We can’t be friends,” or “stop posting” type of jealousy…  She is inspiring a lot of people with her journey to healthy living, and I know that regardless of what it looks like from the outside, she’s moving mountains to achieve these goals.  I’m talking about the, “How come I can’t be a better parent,” and “better human being” type of jealousy that lives within us all at different points in our lives.  But, I also know that her real life is not always as fun and easy as it seems.  (Back to the importance of being connected in a real way with the people I love – thank God for girls nights! – for more on this check out my blog post The Grass is always Greener)

How do we keep from beating ourselves up all the time?  And how do we fend off all the nasty little thoughts that run through our minds as we trudge through another “real” day…   

Honestly, I have no clue!  But here’s what I do know – I find comfort in doing things for others.  Sharing my life experiences, saving my younger siblings (and younger friends – that means you V) from repeating my mistakes, even if it makes them crazy.  I find joy in reaching the “penthouse” level of honesty in relationships and being able to bare it all knowing that nothing will change, and more importantly being there for someone else when they need to share the horrible things that have been raiding their minds all day.  It makes me feel happy when I find funny cards that make you laugh out loud and then actually make it to the post office/mail box to share the joy with someone else.  And it makes me feel proud, that that I have written something that could impact your thoughts and makes you want to read, or share, etc.

When I eventually find the answers to all of these burning questions - I promise you will be the first to know!  Who knows, maybe my little bro is off discovering what makes the world work on his soul searching journey through Europe??  (photos below)  

Why the Y?

Funny, I seem to find much of my motivation for writing while walking the track at my local YMCA.  Maybe it's the people watching, or maybe its my insane need to figure people out...  It's probably a combination of all of the above.  I wish that I could discretely take notes while walking.  I am pretty sure I'd  be much more brilliant that way, rather than trying to remember my thoughts hours (and in this case, days) later. 

I find myself watching people and wondering what their story looks like.  What kind of home do they live in, what do they do for a living, what's their family life like, what are their interests... etc.  Also I find that I tend to see many of the same people over and over again which simply leads to a more in depth thought process on my end as I have had multiple days to consider it!   

For example, there's this really handsome younger man who I often see playing basketball with a kid of about 10 or so.  I think the fact that he's handsome paired with the fact that the younger kid looks nothing like him has helped me to settle on a real life story for him.  Well, and my new job/environment probably doesn't help either.  I've decided that he must be super kind and generous and volunteer as a big brother. (obviously - because he has that unassuming, clean cut & handsome look...)  The little boy he's playing basketball with must be his "little bro" and this is the one day a week that they get together to bond and shoot some hoops.  Don't worry, I know that no one is perfect.... even as I fantasize real life scenarios for complete strangers I am careful to include their flaws.  You should see his game!  ha ha  I might be able to rival his skills, and that is not saying much for him.  p.s. that is how I also decided that he wasn't some high power basketball star hired by some rich family to improve upon their kids skills.  :)      

Anyhow, on Monday of last week I was off for Martin Luther King Day and took my daughter to the Y so that I could work out and we had made plans to stay afterwards and attend a special kids program called "Bubblemania."  As I was walking the track and indulging in my usual crazy thoughts a whole bunch of different things started unfolding around me.  They divided the gym up into multiple sections setting up for different activities.  In one section they put up a gigantic obstacle course moon bounce for big kids to play in, and in another section a whole bunch of older ladies started gathering for a group exercise class. 

I have often seen and experienced things while at the Y that made me think to myself...  "Why the Y?  I'll tell you why."  Well here goes... its because during the week they bring in a "gym teacher" and bring the day care kids up one class at a time to the basketball courts to learn different sports and to let off some steam.  Because on a random Monday holiday they open their doors to the community free of charge and provide activities such as open swim, moon bounces, Zumba and even put on a show for families with a bubble expert!  It's because when my daughter leaves her princess cup at childwatch, they take the time to look us up in the system and then dial 411 to find our home number (which I am confident is not in their system) and let us know they have it in lost & found.

I am sure that if I really put my mind to it, I could come up with a dozen or more other reasons too, these are just the things that came top of mind first.  I will admit, not having grown up as a Y kid, I never really knew what the fuss was about.  I was unsure about signing my daughter up for day care at the Y at first too...  Not that I have any right to be a "snob" about it as I am lucky to afford day care at all most weeks! 

Most people speak up only when things are not going their way, but this post is my way of saying - Way to go! to my friends who work at the Y.  You've made a believer in me in just the few short years I have been involved.  Looking forward to many, many more to come. 

Enjoy the few pics I took on Martin Luther King Day of all these happenings at my YMCA. 

            

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

So far this week has proven to be an adventurous one for me.  I started a new job, with a new team of people and a very new commute!  My apologies that I have been a little more quiet these past few weeks, but this transition has kind of turned my world upside down a bit in the short term.  I find it funny how our day-to-day realities can be so incredibly rooted in our job and surroundings.  For example, I never really made any connection to me as a person with my office, the building/property that I worked from or my mode of transportation.  Now that all of those things have changed drastically, I am starting to wonder how come I never noticed that they were all connected?   

So right off the bat there are a few things that are A-mazing for me in my new “life.”  To start, no one here talks about sports!  Literally, no one!  For the last 10 years, I have been surrounded by sports loving people and have always felt a little out of place.  I guess I even decided along the way that it was ME that was the outcast and that everyone, everywhere else was the same.  Don’t you love how we always blame ourselves…?!?  Anyhow, at lunch on my very first day, I felt more engaged in the conversation, surrounded by people I had met just once previously, than I did at my farewell lunch with the people I had been working with for years and years.  Turns out, I’m not all that crazy. 

Also, as a more “touchy-feely” personality amongst a bunch of men and sports lovers, again – I became a stand out personality.  Sometimes in a good way, but I often felt like a burden or like a little girl looking for acceptance.  Don’t get me wrong, I will always be a chatter box…  It’s a part of who I am, but I am no longer THE chatter box!  Wahoo!  In fact, I am pretty sure I fall right about the middle somewhere here.   

Outside of the personality changes in my new job, I am looking at a hundred other new things as well.  I mean, there’s the commute which is a story in itself.  Driving to daycare to drop off my daughter, then to the train station to find a parking spot, paying the $4 to park in the teeny tiny spot for your number, waiting for the train, riding the train, walking to the office with literally hundreds of other people…..   repeat in reverse at end of day. 

What I think I find to be the most challenging to get used to though is the adventure of getting lunch.  There are just SO many people in such a small amount of real estate that no matter where you go for lunch it is absolutely crazy!  Like 30 people in front of you in line to order crazy…  Like the guy at the register responding to your “Hi, how are you today”… with an “Ok now, let’s have it.”  Yup, that happened.   

Hopefully this new adventure will bring me lots of new stories to share and interesting things to talk with you about.  Though, I wonder if anything can really compare to all my years working in golf with volunteers.  Years and years of hugs from strangers, lip kisses from acquaintances, and I love you’s from casual friends.  I hope so, but for now, I am still not sure.     

 

And because it has been stuck in my head since I wrote this title hours ago...  here's a link to the song Changes by David Bowie.  http://youtu.be/B8ZuhkN1sW0 

UPDATED: For those of you who have asked here is a pic of my fabulous new "office".... Can you hashtag in a blog? #cubelife

 

A letter to myself at 22

Earlier this week I was invited to join in on a small reunion gathering with a few of my young friends.  Here I am, a 34 year old married mom, hanging out with a bunch of 19, 20 and 21 year old girls.  Sounds a little strange but let me give you a little back story to explain...  

See, I have a passion for scouting.  I myself was a girl scout straight throughout high school, earned my silver award, and came SO close to completing my gold too.  (one of those, if I only knew then what I know now situations...Oh well)  I even asked for a life time membership for high school graduation, which has saved me a ton of money since by the way!  After I finished college I had the opportunity to return to scouting as a leader and partnered with my old scout leader to head up a teen troop in my home town of Mansfield, MA.  I spent eight years as a leader to these girls and can honestly say I LOVED every moment of it.  (Yes L&L - even the drama in New Orleans)

As we were talking that night though, I couldn't help but remember back to my college days.  I remember the insecurities, the uncertainty, the incredible need to put a name to your future career.  One of their Mom's asked me though, "Jenn, when did you decide what it was that you were going to do for a career?"...   and my honest answer to her was, I still haven't.  I have no idea WHAT I want to be when I grow up, but I do know WHO I want to be.  I wish I had known the difference between these two things sooner as it would have saved me a whole lot of stress and heartache.

A while back I wrote about this too in my post "Does what you do define you?" but even at that time a few months back I was still (am still) trying to figure it all out.  I love that I get to help guide these young women and share with them the life lessons that I have learned.  If I can instill just a little bit of confidence, knowledge or humility in each of them, then every knock on the door while I was in the bathroom and every night I slept in a sleeping bag on the floor was well worth it.  

This is only the start, but here are some valuable pieces of advice that I'd like to share with my young friends from Troop 80-939 and with any young women out there who are open to learning from my experiences and mistakes.  Here goes:

1. Your twenties are the prime of your youth.  You will likely never be as young, fit, attractive and care free as you are today.  Enjoy it.  Stop picking apart every last detail and get out there and have fun.  I promise you, some day you will look back on the photos of today and say, "Man, I was HOT!  I wish I knew it then..." 
2. Yes, college is hard.  But just like High School was a stepping stone towards college...  College is a stepping stone to your life.  The only difference is that once you enter into the life part, you no longer get months off in the summer and winter like you do now.  Take full advantage of those breaks.  Live your life, get a tan, go ice skating on a random Tuesday.  You will be glad you did.  
3. Live it up.  Are you seeing a theme here...?  Seriously, my twenties were the time of my life.  Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't give up the experience of motherhood to do it again, but then again...  When I am feeling super lame and my hubby and I decide that grocery shopping is an excellent Saturday night activity, I at least have all those wild days to look back on as a reminder that it wasn't always this way.  
4. Remember that you are never done learning from those around you.  For some reason people in their twenties all of a sudden decide that they know more than God himself.  I promise you that you do not.  In fact, you probably are doing and saying things now that your mother will remind you of later in life.  I am pretty sure I was a complete jack ass to my parents from the ages of 21-25.  Save your self the future pain...  Acknowledge that your parents know more about life than you do, regardless of whether or not you would choose the life they did.  Unless you have walked the same path, you just never know what brought them where they are today.  Not every crossing in life has a good path and a bad path to choose from.  Sometimes there are only 3-4 bad choices available and we have to do our best to pick the lesser of all evils.  Give your parents a break.  
5. You are going to have to earn your place.  Yes, you will get your degree and you will get a job or an internship at some point.  That does not mean that you no longer have to prove yourself.  It is just an invitation to prove yourself in a certain place.  Work hard, be a team player and don't be above the dirty work, at least not until you are well established.  And by established, I mean you are the CEO of the company, literally.  
6. Find ways to appreciate your family.  If you are blessed enough to have a family like I do, find ways to appreciate each and every person.  You may not understand them all, but each and every one of them brings something of value to the table.  Plus, if nothing else, they are your family and they will love you even when you are a jerk so play nice.
7. Hold tight to your true friendships.  Finding a real friend in life is extremely rare.  Keeping them is even more so.  If you find someone that you can truly connect with, make the effort to keep in touch.  You can only control your end of the bargain...  so make it your job to keep the friendship strong and forgive your true friends for their busy schedules.
8. Lastly, remember that you don't have to have all the answers today.  In fact, you may never have all the answers, period.  Take the time to figure out what you can, ask questions when you can't and don't be afraid to look stupid.  You look much smarter admitting to your uncertainties and mistakes than you do pretending.          

Feel free to add anything I missed below in the comments - I am sure I missed a few good ones....!

For your viewing enjoyment, below is a photo of me headed off backpacking in High School with my girl scout troop as well as a photo of me with my teen troop a few years back when we took a service trip to New Orleans.

 

Moving on and moving out

Its a new year and for me this new year comes with many new adventures.  Apparently I like to start new things in January, as I am also approaching my 10 year anniversary with my current job this January.  Sadly though, I will not make it to that anniversary as I have accepted a new position starting next week.  Funny how we can fight so hard for something new to come along and then struggle with the changes that we have created for ourselves...  This week is proving to be an interesting last week for me as I close out the last decade of my life and say good bye to people I have spent a great deal of time with these past years.

One thing that I find fascinating though, and I vaguely remember this from when I left college, but at the closing moments of each chapter people often reach out and share their first and their lasting memories with you.  I announced my departure officially last Friday to our volunteer leadership and have been blessed with many kind emails and phone calls this week from people who wanted to share with me their lasting impressions. 

Thankfully they've chosen to keep the not so pretty moments to themselves this time around, but I am always awed by the moments that weigh so heavily in people's memories and yet can often times be non-existent for me.  I mean, they sound like things I'd do...  But how crazy is it to see from the outside looking in at the things that linger for those around us.  I wish I could bank those memories for myself, so that I could look back on my own first impressions, though...  I am sure there are many first impressions I'd rather not see from the other persons view too, so maybe that's why! 

Anyhow, here is an excerpt from an email I received yesterday that I got such a kick out of.

"If you remember, the first time I met you was about 8 years ago at a concession stand. Dave had driven me there to pick up lunches for the hole 4 volunteers. They refused to serve us. Along you came and literally took the manager out back. Five minutes later out you come and the manager asks me "what would you like?" I'm thinking "who is this girl!"

Now, I am not 100% sure what I said, or what the issue was prior to my arrival, but it makes me sound like I am some kind of a bad ass with a baseball bat!  I walked away from reading that email earlier thinking... Hell Yeah!  Now that's how I get things done... ha ha

As I finished reading the email though, I got to thinking about my new job and my new first impressions.  Holy cow.  What if I get it wrong this time around?  You really only get one chance at a first impression, so now I have to put on my rock star shoes to really do it right.  No pressure?  Yeah right. 

For the moment, I am going to go home and sweat this one out a bit, but I have lots more to share in the next few days, so stay tuned.  I'd love to hear from you though about some of your crazy first impressions, those of you who've met me... go ahead embarrass me, or share a story that someone else has said about you!  Anything goes, but leave your comments below.  I will need the humor to get through the next few days.  

Here are a few pics of me at work over the years...  Maybe this was your first impression?  Who knows. 

 Cruising in the golf cart... not my most attractive look!?! 

Celebrating yet another birthday in Vol. HQ