Back in the saddle

These last few months have kept me out of the blogging world… and quite frankly, out of the real world too!  How do I keep landing jobs that drag me into oblivion for months at a time leaving me to play catch up with everyone I know when it’s all over?  Is there such a job or reality that allows for some balance in life?  If you’ve mastered this, PLEASE, PLEASE share your secrets with me.  I promise to keep it a secret, well… mostly!    

Anyhow, glad to be back in the saddle here and hoping that a nice long break will give me lots and lots of inspiring things to share with you all!  

Also, a lot has happened in the last few months!  My sister has had her beautiful baby boy John Cash Reddington born at 34 weeks but thriving and healthy as can be expected!  They aren’t home yet, but we feel so blessed that both he and his mommy are doing great and will be home soon.  (check out a few proud Auntie pics below…)  

I wanted to launch back into things today with a light and fun post to bring a smile to your Friday.  One of my best friends posted this on her FB page today and I couldn’t help but share it.  If you are ever wondering what people around me see when I drive by…  This is it!  Ha ha.  Definitely worth the download!

 

Kudos to this Mom and Dad for inspiring their daughter to just belt it out and be silly. Some of the hardest times that we go through in life can be lightened with a little humility.  You know what they say, learn to laugh at yourself and the rest of the world will laugh with you!  

Enjoy a great weekend!  

Mom-petition

This is a topic near and dear to my heart these days, and a theme that thankfully seems to just recently be getting some attention!  As my daughter gets older and my interactions with other Moms becomes more and more frequent, I am noticing a common trend.  Mom's, who are pretty much all fighting similar battles, are in constant competition against each other to have the most perfect children, or to be the most perfect parent.  

Let me make something perfectly clear…  These things do not exist, so please stop pretending they do!  All that is accomplished by pretending that everything is perfect is either,  1. That people don’t believe a word you say, or 2. You make those around you feel completely inadequate.  Either way, it’s not going to make you more popular, or more liked as a human being.  Best case scenario, people look at you like you are some kind of parenting God and then watch and wait for your inevitable crash and burn.  Oh and by the way… the higher up you are on that horse, the harder the fall, just saying.

So why is it that we can’t just be honest with ourselves, and honest with each other?  Being a parent is by far the hardest thing on the planet that I have ever done, and those of you who know me well, know that I have held a whole host of difficult jobs over the years, including wrangling 1,500+ volunteers who are comprised of more than 50% retired men.  Don’t get me wrong…  I’d continue to choose it every single day of the year vs. the alternative.  Anyone who’s ever even crossed paths with the word “Infertility” would feel the same.  But maybe instead of constantly judging each other for our mistakes, we can find a way to support each other regardless of our flawed parenting and wild children.  

I found inspiration for this blog post of all places, on Facebook, where most of these parenting sins of perfection and vanity are prominently displayed for all to see.  This however, was not in my day to day feed, but part of a parenting group where the admin is super involved, and helps us all to keep things above the cuff.  Way to go “Real Mom’s of the South Shore” for setting a great example to all of us Mom’s out there who are the acting example to our kids.  Anyhow, one mom in particular put up a post of her ‘Mom-fession.’  I am including it for you below so you can see too.  Essentially what she asked was for all of us Mom’s out there to do the same… and be honest with our mom-confessions.  What followed her photo, was the most fascinating, and hysterical list of responses I could have ever imagined!  

We all do it every day.  The things we would never advertise or announce… but the things we feel compelled to do in order to keep life moving forward do exist in reality.  Don’t be afraid to show your weaknesses as a parent.  We all have weaknesses as human beings, and as parents…  as husbands, wives, sisters, friends…  but finding the courage to embrace your weaknesses, take ownership of them and support each other in the long run, helps us all to be better people, and to set better examples for the little people in our lives that we love.  

I have asked a few of my friends and family to help me in my quest to share some good old fashioned Mom-fessions.  Thanks ladies for your courage and willingness to put yourself out there!  Please feel free to comment with your own as well, or share with a girl friend who you know could use a little light hearted fun in her day.  

Me... and double confession, I took this in the bathroom stall at work! 

The photo that inspired this blog! 

Dropping the ball

Ok, so today I have a confession to make.  I am afraid to say that I have dropped the ball on a promise that I made to you a while back. Last December I posted about being on the path to greatness.  As a part of this, I made a vow to make a life change by sending along some real, thoughtful positive feedback to one person each day for 21 days.  (an idea I got from a book called the Happiness Advantage - A pretty good read too) 

My plan was to start of with the easy stuff...  I sent a note to my daughters day care director thanking her for always being so flexible with me and our ever changing schedules.  I sent an email to my Aunt Angela, as I had said I would... though to this day I have no idea if she's ever read it.  I even sent a letter to my former boss thanking him for showing me what a real, healthy work environment should look like.  And then...  I dropped the ball.  I did send out a few more letters here and there, but not nearly equivalent to what I had committed to.  Also, I never really got to the tough letters.  The ones I was leaving till the end, and quite frankly to the people who probably have the most significant impact on my day-to-day life!  Oops. 

So, as a means of penance, I am going to start over today, and I am going to start with the hardest letter first.  Mom...  This one's for you. 

Dear Mom,

Thank you for being the best friend I never knew I needed you to be.  For stepping up to the plate when ever I needed a partner, in anything...  wedding planning, family planning, career planning...  literally anything.  Thank you for sacrificing hundreds (more like millions) of your own needs in exchange for my happiness and for being available any time day or night when I needed an ear or a shoulder to cry on... or sob... or ugly cry.

Thank you Mom for teaching me.  For teaching me manners so that I can be confident and professional as an adult in public.  Thank you for teaching me grammar, so that I can cringe along with you every time someone says "These ones" or "Those ones."  Thank you for teaching me courtesy and empathy so that I can be a better human being and continue to make the world a better place.  Most importantly, thank you for teaching me how to be a Mom too, for it is your example I follow each and every day as I raise my daughter all the very same lessons that you have taught me.

Thank you for continuing to challenge me, for showing me the bigger picture when my emotions have taken control of my brain... even when I don't want to hear it.  

Lastly, Thank you for loving me through every ugly phase, through every mean comment I made to you.... through all of the great times, and all of the really hard moments too.

I am lucky I got to have you as my Mom.

All my love...  Jenn

Here is a picture of me and my Mom a few months before my daughter was born. 

   

The Seasons of Life

It is amazing sometimes how we can be completely wrapped up in our present day reality.  I mean, what is there beyond today?  I think if I knew the answer to that question I'd be a millionaire.  You know, because I'd know the lottery numbers to play, obviously!  Though what we feel today can often seem like all we will ever feel, there are so many different seasons in life for us to experience.  I said this over the weekend (another part of the same conversation with my sister - luckily a little more pc than my previous post) and the phrase and concept of the seasons of life seem to be still lingering in my mind today. 

With a large family like mine especially,  we go through hundreds of these seasons together, each one uniquely strange and different, yet somehow consistent at the same time.  (More on my crazy family in my previous post A Family that Plays Together)  If you are lucky enough to have a family like mine, one that has stuck through it year in and year out, decade after decade... then you will see what I mean.  Relationships ebb and flow constantly.  There are times when we become extremely close with certain people, and connect daily, and then somehow weeks and months will go by with no more than a "like" on a Facebook photo or a quick hug at a family party.  Somehow though, the cycle always begins again, almost as if the universe (or God) sees that we are drifting and creates obstacles that shove us back together again.

Most recently, with my Aunt passing late fall and shortly after my best friend losing her Mom I have been baffled at the family dynamic even more than usual.  We really do give our worst to the people we love most.  My Mom always says this about kids.  She says that children always give the worst of what they have to their mother, and yet again...  she's right, but does it go beyond that?

I wish we had some sort of a timeline, or even just an outline of our lives in advance so that we could better appreciate what was in front of us, and also better deal with the challenging parts.  My outline the last few years would look like this...

2001-2003:  Tough post college adjustment period
2004: Party time - live it up!
2005:  Life comes crashing down, but it won't last long
2005-2007:  Career building success
2008:  Married bliss
2009-2011:  Difficult period waiting to start a family
2012-2013:  Insanely busy, motherhood is super hard - but happy

Seriously, I don't need details - but knowing that much would have made the crappy parts so much easier to handle, and the fun parts that much more fun! 

I said I didn't need details, but if I could add one thing, it would be the status of the relationships in my life too.  Right now there are a number of relationships that sit in the core of my being that I can't imagine living with out.  That being said, they weren't always that strong.  It wasn't more than a few years ago when I found myself centered around different relationships, and a few years from now where will things be?

My brother said to me not too long ago, "But how do you choose...  how can you choose which people to give the  most of your time to, It doesn't seem fair, but if I give equal measures to everyone I have nothing left."  There is no right or wrong answer to this, but I do think that it is a part of life.  Those of us who are lucky enough to have lots of people we care about often have to pick and choose where to focus the majority of our time.  More often than not, I think it just happens naturally and in my case, usually with out me even knowing.

Anyhow, I chose to write about this today,  not to enlighten anyone with brilliant answers, but to get our minds thinking.  To remind us all (mostly me) that it is OK for us to drift in and out occasionally.  We will always find ways to keep the most important relationships alive and flourishing.  Be patient when you don't feel like you are getting the attention you want from someone you care about.  Give them the space they need to get caught up in life, but keep the friendship alive by reaching out here and there.  If it is meant to be, it won't remain one sided for ever, and you just never know.  You may find yourself on the other side of the equation when the next season arrives.

My Sister has Balls...!

Over the weekend my sister and I got into a long conversation about acceptance and understanding of the people we love.  What was really interesting about this conversation though was how she views herself amidst our family dynamic.  Somehow it can be really easy to see those around us, but we miss the boat when it comes to seeing ourselves clearly.  I wonder why that is?  I mean, we spend way more time with our own thoughts and following our own path than we do with others.  Even the saying “You can’t really know a man unless you’ve walked a mile in his shoes” leads us to believe that we should be experts on our own lives, but in fact it couldn’t be farther from the truth in some cases.  

I spend a lot of time thinking about my own shortcomings.  Not so say that I spend a lot of time feeling sad, or putting myself down, but in reflecting on how my actions affect those around me.  I guess depending on how you look at it, it can be both a blessing and a curse.  The way I see it though, if there is room for growth, I want to be the first to know about it!  Much like the rest of the world…  I have about a million and one things that I can be better at, so the biggest challenge is always deciding what is most important to the most important people in my world and how does that impact my own personal goals and feelings.  Don’t get me wrong… I am not out to change myself so that everyone around me has an easier go of it, but yet to be the best version of myself to make me feel good about what I am giving to the world each and every day.  

I found a poem when I was in middle school that I loved so much I put it on a piece of paper and tucked it away in my jewelry box.  I come across it every now and again still and am always amazed at how it continues to be extremely relevant to my life.  I may have been a chunky, dorky 13 year old kid, but at least I had a little bit of sense!  Here is a link to the poem as I remember it for you to enjoy.  The Man in the Glass.

Anyhow, back to my sister…   We were musing over our youngest brother and his spur of the moment two week trip to Europe.  Somehow my sister had decided for herself that she is the least daring of us three kids.  And fair enough, she is seeing it through her own eyes with her own experiences, but the reality of the bigger picture is that she is the biggest risk taker of us all.  When I explained this to her and laid out the reasoning behind my feelings she had an Ah Ha moment, and in true fashion for my sister (those of you who know her will understand what I mean) she said “Wow, I’ve got balls!  I never knew that about myself.  You should blog about that…. It can be called, My Sister has Balls!”  Well, here we are…   ha ha

I think it is important to take the time to get to know ourselves.  If we can’t come to terms with ourselves, with our own minds and what makes us tick then we can’t begin to understand and relate to the people around us.  When something causes you stress or frustration in your daily routine, or as you interact with friends, family, co-workers, etc. try to figure out what might be at the root of your feelings.  Often times I even surprise myself when I do this as our minds are not always as rational as we want them to be.  On a regular basis I have to challenge myself.  If you were a fly on the wall inside of my head you’d hear me asking myself over and over again…  Is it me?  Am I reading too much into this?  And lately, as I am adjusting to a new work environment and a new team, You’ll hear me saying “It’s ok to not get it right the first time around…   It’s ok to not know the answers…” 

Thanks to my sister for her fabulous blog topic (and title…  I think?)  On a fun note I think the time is right for me to announce that I am going to be an Auntie!!  (I have lots of fabulous nieces and nephews, but this is her first baby)  Yeah!  

 
Picture of me, my brother and sister making our "game faces" while sucking at bowling!  (well, I was sucking at it at least...) 

Are you happy?

Is this the question of the year, or what?  

Happiness can be defined about a thousand different ways, but what does it mean to you?  For me, the root of my happiness stems from strength in relationships; a feeling of being connected to the people I love.  Don’t get me wrong, there are many other factors that each plays a part for me as well, such as success, pride, likability.  (Yes, part of my happiness comes from my desire to be liked.  Right or wrong, it is real… and what’s the point of putting yourself out there if you aren’t going to put it ALL out there!)

I guess you could say that this entire adventure in blogging began with a desire to achieve happiness.  I found myself missing certain pieces of my happiness puzzle and started on a mission to fill those gaps.  They say positivity begets positivity, and I am pretty sure that this is true of most things, including happiness.  When you create happiness, you feel happier.  Therefore, blogging about positivity and life experiences should help me to create some positive life experiences for myself, right?  

There seems to be a lot of “soul searching” happening around me these days actually.  I am beginning to wonder if, like marriage, this is a challenge that we need to meet head on each and every day to maintain success.  It is just so easy to slip back into complaisance though.  It is so easy to see friends and acquaintances posting pictures about their perfect lives on Facebook and feel as though ours pales in comparison.  

I am guilty of this almost every day.  I have to remind myself that I am not the only person living a “real life” experience here.  Yes, one of my best friends who is a stay at home Mom gets to do all sorts of fun things with her kids, and is able to make time in her life to exercise.  She is losing all the weight I need to lose, she does brilliant projects like bring snow inside for the kids to experiment with, and quite frankly I am jealous.  No, not the “We can’t be friends,” or “stop posting” type of jealousy…  She is inspiring a lot of people with her journey to healthy living, and I know that regardless of what it looks like from the outside, she’s moving mountains to achieve these goals.  I’m talking about the, “How come I can’t be a better parent,” and “better human being” type of jealousy that lives within us all at different points in our lives.  But, I also know that her real life is not always as fun and easy as it seems.  (Back to the importance of being connected in a real way with the people I love – thank God for girls nights! – for more on this check out my blog post The Grass is always Greener)

How do we keep from beating ourselves up all the time?  And how do we fend off all the nasty little thoughts that run through our minds as we trudge through another “real” day…   

Honestly, I have no clue!  But here’s what I do know – I find comfort in doing things for others.  Sharing my life experiences, saving my younger siblings (and younger friends – that means you V) from repeating my mistakes, even if it makes them crazy.  I find joy in reaching the “penthouse” level of honesty in relationships and being able to bare it all knowing that nothing will change, and more importantly being there for someone else when they need to share the horrible things that have been raiding their minds all day.  It makes me feel happy when I find funny cards that make you laugh out loud and then actually make it to the post office/mail box to share the joy with someone else.  And it makes me feel proud, that that I have written something that could impact your thoughts and makes you want to read, or share, etc.

When I eventually find the answers to all of these burning questions - I promise you will be the first to know!  Who knows, maybe my little bro is off discovering what makes the world work on his soul searching journey through Europe??  (photos below)