The Seasons of Life

It is amazing sometimes how we can be completely wrapped up in our present day reality.  I mean, what is there beyond today?  I think if I knew the answer to that question I'd be a millionaire.  You know, because I'd know the lottery numbers to play, obviously!  Though what we feel today can often seem like all we will ever feel, there are so many different seasons in life for us to experience.  I said this over the weekend (another part of the same conversation with my sister - luckily a little more pc than my previous post) and the phrase and concept of the seasons of life seem to be still lingering in my mind today. 

With a large family like mine especially,  we go through hundreds of these seasons together, each one uniquely strange and different, yet somehow consistent at the same time.  (More on my crazy family in my previous post A Family that Plays Together)  If you are lucky enough to have a family like mine, one that has stuck through it year in and year out, decade after decade... then you will see what I mean.  Relationships ebb and flow constantly.  There are times when we become extremely close with certain people, and connect daily, and then somehow weeks and months will go by with no more than a "like" on a Facebook photo or a quick hug at a family party.  Somehow though, the cycle always begins again, almost as if the universe (or God) sees that we are drifting and creates obstacles that shove us back together again.

Most recently, with my Aunt passing late fall and shortly after my best friend losing her Mom I have been baffled at the family dynamic even more than usual.  We really do give our worst to the people we love most.  My Mom always says this about kids.  She says that children always give the worst of what they have to their mother, and yet again...  she's right, but does it go beyond that?

I wish we had some sort of a timeline, or even just an outline of our lives in advance so that we could better appreciate what was in front of us, and also better deal with the challenging parts.  My outline the last few years would look like this...

2001-2003:  Tough post college adjustment period
2004: Party time - live it up!
2005:  Life comes crashing down, but it won't last long
2005-2007:  Career building success
2008:  Married bliss
2009-2011:  Difficult period waiting to start a family
2012-2013:  Insanely busy, motherhood is super hard - but happy

Seriously, I don't need details - but knowing that much would have made the crappy parts so much easier to handle, and the fun parts that much more fun! 

I said I didn't need details, but if I could add one thing, it would be the status of the relationships in my life too.  Right now there are a number of relationships that sit in the core of my being that I can't imagine living with out.  That being said, they weren't always that strong.  It wasn't more than a few years ago when I found myself centered around different relationships, and a few years from now where will things be?

My brother said to me not too long ago, "But how do you choose...  how can you choose which people to give the  most of your time to, It doesn't seem fair, but if I give equal measures to everyone I have nothing left."  There is no right or wrong answer to this, but I do think that it is a part of life.  Those of us who are lucky enough to have lots of people we care about often have to pick and choose where to focus the majority of our time.  More often than not, I think it just happens naturally and in my case, usually with out me even knowing.

Anyhow, I chose to write about this today,  not to enlighten anyone with brilliant answers, but to get our minds thinking.  To remind us all (mostly me) that it is OK for us to drift in and out occasionally.  We will always find ways to keep the most important relationships alive and flourishing.  Be patient when you don't feel like you are getting the attention you want from someone you care about.  Give them the space they need to get caught up in life, but keep the friendship alive by reaching out here and there.  If it is meant to be, it won't remain one sided for ever, and you just never know.  You may find yourself on the other side of the equation when the next season arrives.

My Sister has Balls...!

Over the weekend my sister and I got into a long conversation about acceptance and understanding of the people we love.  What was really interesting about this conversation though was how she views herself amidst our family dynamic.  Somehow it can be really easy to see those around us, but we miss the boat when it comes to seeing ourselves clearly.  I wonder why that is?  I mean, we spend way more time with our own thoughts and following our own path than we do with others.  Even the saying “You can’t really know a man unless you’ve walked a mile in his shoes” leads us to believe that we should be experts on our own lives, but in fact it couldn’t be farther from the truth in some cases.  

I spend a lot of time thinking about my own shortcomings.  Not so say that I spend a lot of time feeling sad, or putting myself down, but in reflecting on how my actions affect those around me.  I guess depending on how you look at it, it can be both a blessing and a curse.  The way I see it though, if there is room for growth, I want to be the first to know about it!  Much like the rest of the world…  I have about a million and one things that I can be better at, so the biggest challenge is always deciding what is most important to the most important people in my world and how does that impact my own personal goals and feelings.  Don’t get me wrong… I am not out to change myself so that everyone around me has an easier go of it, but yet to be the best version of myself to make me feel good about what I am giving to the world each and every day.  

I found a poem when I was in middle school that I loved so much I put it on a piece of paper and tucked it away in my jewelry box.  I come across it every now and again still and am always amazed at how it continues to be extremely relevant to my life.  I may have been a chunky, dorky 13 year old kid, but at least I had a little bit of sense!  Here is a link to the poem as I remember it for you to enjoy.  The Man in the Glass.

Anyhow, back to my sister…   We were musing over our youngest brother and his spur of the moment two week trip to Europe.  Somehow my sister had decided for herself that she is the least daring of us three kids.  And fair enough, she is seeing it through her own eyes with her own experiences, but the reality of the bigger picture is that she is the biggest risk taker of us all.  When I explained this to her and laid out the reasoning behind my feelings she had an Ah Ha moment, and in true fashion for my sister (those of you who know her will understand what I mean) she said “Wow, I’ve got balls!  I never knew that about myself.  You should blog about that…. It can be called, My Sister has Balls!”  Well, here we are…   ha ha

I think it is important to take the time to get to know ourselves.  If we can’t come to terms with ourselves, with our own minds and what makes us tick then we can’t begin to understand and relate to the people around us.  When something causes you stress or frustration in your daily routine, or as you interact with friends, family, co-workers, etc. try to figure out what might be at the root of your feelings.  Often times I even surprise myself when I do this as our minds are not always as rational as we want them to be.  On a regular basis I have to challenge myself.  If you were a fly on the wall inside of my head you’d hear me asking myself over and over again…  Is it me?  Am I reading too much into this?  And lately, as I am adjusting to a new work environment and a new team, You’ll hear me saying “It’s ok to not get it right the first time around…   It’s ok to not know the answers…” 

Thanks to my sister for her fabulous blog topic (and title…  I think?)  On a fun note I think the time is right for me to announce that I am going to be an Auntie!!  (I have lots of fabulous nieces and nephews, but this is her first baby)  Yeah!  

 
Picture of me, my brother and sister making our "game faces" while sucking at bowling!  (well, I was sucking at it at least...) 

Are you happy?

Is this the question of the year, or what?  

Happiness can be defined about a thousand different ways, but what does it mean to you?  For me, the root of my happiness stems from strength in relationships; a feeling of being connected to the people I love.  Don’t get me wrong, there are many other factors that each plays a part for me as well, such as success, pride, likability.  (Yes, part of my happiness comes from my desire to be liked.  Right or wrong, it is real… and what’s the point of putting yourself out there if you aren’t going to put it ALL out there!)

I guess you could say that this entire adventure in blogging began with a desire to achieve happiness.  I found myself missing certain pieces of my happiness puzzle and started on a mission to fill those gaps.  They say positivity begets positivity, and I am pretty sure that this is true of most things, including happiness.  When you create happiness, you feel happier.  Therefore, blogging about positivity and life experiences should help me to create some positive life experiences for myself, right?  

There seems to be a lot of “soul searching” happening around me these days actually.  I am beginning to wonder if, like marriage, this is a challenge that we need to meet head on each and every day to maintain success.  It is just so easy to slip back into complaisance though.  It is so easy to see friends and acquaintances posting pictures about their perfect lives on Facebook and feel as though ours pales in comparison.  

I am guilty of this almost every day.  I have to remind myself that I am not the only person living a “real life” experience here.  Yes, one of my best friends who is a stay at home Mom gets to do all sorts of fun things with her kids, and is able to make time in her life to exercise.  She is losing all the weight I need to lose, she does brilliant projects like bring snow inside for the kids to experiment with, and quite frankly I am jealous.  No, not the “We can’t be friends,” or “stop posting” type of jealousy…  She is inspiring a lot of people with her journey to healthy living, and I know that regardless of what it looks like from the outside, she’s moving mountains to achieve these goals.  I’m talking about the, “How come I can’t be a better parent,” and “better human being” type of jealousy that lives within us all at different points in our lives.  But, I also know that her real life is not always as fun and easy as it seems.  (Back to the importance of being connected in a real way with the people I love – thank God for girls nights! – for more on this check out my blog post The Grass is always Greener)

How do we keep from beating ourselves up all the time?  And how do we fend off all the nasty little thoughts that run through our minds as we trudge through another “real” day…   

Honestly, I have no clue!  But here’s what I do know – I find comfort in doing things for others.  Sharing my life experiences, saving my younger siblings (and younger friends – that means you V) from repeating my mistakes, even if it makes them crazy.  I find joy in reaching the “penthouse” level of honesty in relationships and being able to bare it all knowing that nothing will change, and more importantly being there for someone else when they need to share the horrible things that have been raiding their minds all day.  It makes me feel happy when I find funny cards that make you laugh out loud and then actually make it to the post office/mail box to share the joy with someone else.  And it makes me feel proud, that that I have written something that could impact your thoughts and makes you want to read, or share, etc.

When I eventually find the answers to all of these burning questions - I promise you will be the first to know!  Who knows, maybe my little bro is off discovering what makes the world work on his soul searching journey through Europe??  (photos below)