With a large family like mine especially, we go through hundreds of these seasons together, each one uniquely strange and different, yet somehow consistent at the same time. (More on my crazy family in my previous post A Family that Plays Together) If you are lucky enough to have a family like mine, one that has stuck through it year in and year out, decade after decade... then you will see what I mean. Relationships ebb and flow constantly. There are times when we become extremely close with certain people, and connect daily, and then somehow weeks and months will go by with no more than a "like" on a Facebook photo or a quick hug at a family party. Somehow though, the cycle always begins again, almost as if the universe (or God) sees that we are drifting and creates obstacles that shove us back together again.
Most recently, with my Aunt passing late fall and shortly after my best friend losing her Mom I have been baffled at the family dynamic even more than usual. We really do give our worst to the people we love most. My Mom always says this about kids. She says that children always give the worst of what they have to their mother, and yet again... she's right, but does it go beyond that?
I wish we had some sort of a timeline, or even just an outline of our lives in advance so that we could better appreciate what was in front of us, and also better deal with the challenging parts. My outline the last few years would look like this...
2001-2003: Tough post college adjustment period
2004: Party time - live it up!
2005: Life comes crashing down, but it won't last long
2005-2007: Career building success
2008: Married bliss
2009-2011: Difficult period waiting to start a family
2012-2013: Insanely busy, motherhood is super hard - but happy
Seriously, I don't need details - but knowing that much would have made the crappy parts so much easier to handle, and the fun parts that much more fun!
I said I didn't need details, but if I could add one thing, it would be the status of the relationships in my life too. Right now there are a number of relationships that sit in the core of my being that I can't imagine living with out. That being said, they weren't always that strong. It wasn't more than a few years ago when I found myself centered around different relationships, and a few years from now where will things be?
My brother said to me not too long ago, "But how do you choose... how can you choose which people to give the most of your time to, It doesn't seem fair, but if I give equal measures to everyone I have nothing left." There is no right or wrong answer to this, but I do think that it is a part of life. Those of us who are lucky enough to have lots of people we care about often have to pick and choose where to focus the majority of our time. More often than not, I think it just happens naturally and in my case, usually with out me even knowing.
Anyhow, I chose to write about this today, not to enlighten anyone with brilliant answers, but to get our minds thinking. To remind us all (mostly me) that it is OK for us to drift in and out occasionally. We will always find ways to keep the most important relationships alive and flourishing. Be patient when you don't feel like you are getting the attention you want from someone you care about. Give them the space they need to get caught up in life, but keep the friendship alive by reaching out here and there. If it is meant to be, it won't remain one sided for ever, and you just never know. You may find yourself on the other side of the equation when the next season arrives.
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