Well, Hello There Stranger!

Ever have a strange and contradictory encounter with someone where you walk away thinking, What the…?  One that leaves you thinking about how well they actually know themselves and their own minds?  I’d like to think that we all take the time to think and wonder about our own actions and motivations, but the reality is that many people push through life acting with very little thought to the reasons behind their actions.  I guess sometimes it can be easier to live in denial than it is to come face to face with your own truths.   

I’ve been here...  I have a distinct memory from a few years back when, with not nearly enough adult beverages in my system to pretend to blame my behavior on, I found myself razzing a co-working just a little too hard.  I meant it in good fun, but clearly had crossed the line from funny to borderline mean.  I remember feeling a bit out of body at the moment too… thinking, what am I doing? and eventually moving on from the conversation to talk with someone else.  

A few days later when faced with this person again, I apologized.  I wasn’t quite sure that it was necessary or quite what I was apologizing for, but figured I was better safe than sorry since I clearly still felt a bit weird about the interaction.  He said to me…  “It’s ok, I figured you were probably feeling a bit insecure and I was an easy target.”  Wow – and sadly, TRUE.  He saw right through me, when even I hadn’t come to terms with my behavior or the reasons behind it.  But honestly, I had been feeling insecure.  I was feeling a bit like an outcast and had been away from my family for more than a week.  Clearly, targeting and alienating the one person who WAS being nice to me was the solution?!?  What a mess.  

As a rule, I make a real concerted effort to think before I act, to know and understand my feelings before they are displayed for the world to see, and to grasp the motivating factors in my life.  For me, I need to put them into words before my mind is allowed to act upon these thoughts in methods that don’t sync with how I’ve decided I’d like to behave.  Actually, God bless my best friends…  I tend to do best when I talk out my feelings and toss around all the different scenarios with an outside perspective.    For others it can be a simple matter of looking into the mirror here and there and saying, “Oh, Hello there stranger!”…      

      

Whatever your method – make the time to take a hard look at yourself.  Being the target of someone else’s misguided understanding of their own feelings is both confusing and hurtful.  It’s as if their actions and words don’t quite match, you know?   

We’d all have to be psychic’s or highly in tune psychologists to have successful relationships if everyone behaved this way all the time.  If you find that you have frustrating or annoying encounters with different people on a regular basis, maybe it’s time to reflect a bit.  You might find a more deeply rooted issue that you didn’t even know you were harboring.  The truth is hard, but is always better than a fabricated reality that only prolongs the inevitable.      

The Green Monster

I am recently in a place in life where I find I am occasionally suffering from the green monster of envy.  Don’t get me wrong…  Had I to trade out the wonderful things in my life for those things I feel I am “lacking,” I would never even have to consider it.  Sometimes though, we just need a little reminder. 

Right now, my husband and I are desperately trying to figure out how and if we will ever afford to live in a house.  We have a wonderful home and have made the choices that led us to where we are…  but God, I really want a real HOUSE!  Along with all the glorious space and control that owning a house could give us.  I know, it is not all it is cracked up to be…  and though our home is small, we are reassured that we are making smart choices for our family, and that is what is most important.  Some days the feeling that we are drowning in our own belongings just gets the better of me, and I am so over it. 

Yesterday I came across this blog post titled “Give me Gratitude or Give me Debt” and I could only think about how this woman and I seemed to be on the same page!  I linked it for you if you are interested in reading for yourself, but to summarize, she talks about all the work that could and should be done to fix up her kitchen.  Apparently she innocently posted a photo of herself in the kitchen and then immediately got multiple comments about the things she could do to make it nicer.  Yikes!

Side note – I am pretty sure she might need some new friends, because I can’t imagine my friends offering up criticism in such a way (even constructively) but alas… We don’t hear the whole story.    

Anyhow, she sweats out all the work that needs to be done, and then takes a whole different view.  One I need to keep reminding myself about.  You will get what you are looking for in life.  Rather than looking at the fact that her appliances don’t match, she comments on how lucky she is to have a fridge full of food… and rather than crying over ugly old cabinets she points out how lucky she is to have a medicine cabinet stocked with little more than vitamins.  She even gave props to her old school coffee maker, and let’s be honest…   Who wouldn’t!  As long as it brews up the necessary caffeine fix to get you through your day.

This morning as I was drudging my way into work, I was late and feeling sorry for myself - thinking, are there people out there that can actually pay their bills on time and without stress?  Who’s homes are clean and sinks are not constantly full of dishes?  People who feel that they have a balance in their lives between work, family and self?  At the end of my commute God intervened....  I am not a terribly religious person in general, but this was nothing less than a divine intervention, and clearly I needed a further reminder of this point!  

As I was about to pull into work and start another day, I passed by an elderly man on the street with a sign that read “Homeless and Sober, God Bless.” I was literally shaken out of my own reality by this man.  I mean, he was OLD... old enough that I would worry watching him walk across the street alone and would gladly give my seat to him on the train.  All of a sudden, my mind switched from poor me, to lucky me, and I began to tear up thinking about how trivial my problems are.  I'm not sure what led this man to be homeless at such a senior age, but I am confident that this is not a reality that I will ever have to face in life.  Thank God.    

Yes, my electric bill is past due and we desperately need to go grocery shopping.  We have a broken dishwasher and a sink full of dirty dishes.  But - I have a strong, loving family would I know will always be there for me.  I have a husband who truly loves and respects me and is showing our daughter what a healthy male relationship looks like, even when she rejects his affection.  I have a beautiful daughter, seriously – she’s so cute, who is healthy and smart and funny and is always telling me she needs another hug and kiss before bed because the first few "went away too fast."   

We have basic cable…  It’s horrible and nothing like the whole big package we had before, but I also have a brother who is willing to help me set up our Apple TV so that we can still watch shows like Sofia the First when we want to and put an extra $100 in my bank account each month. 

So, as you all head off to your busy lives filled with summer vacations, cleaning, socializing, paying bills and running errands...  I hope you are able to remember how lucky you are every single day.  Some days it takes a smack in the face to see what's right in front of us... but take the time today to be grateful for the things in life that we do have, because I don't think anyone ever gets it all.