Don't like it? Change it.

Everyone has those days where nothing seems to go right... I had one last week.  I just couldn't shake it off no matter how hard I tried.  It was such a great "funk" that it even lasted all the way into a second (and third) day - Awesome.  I tried going out for a walk, chatting with a friend, I even went to bed early and still woke up with the same funk the next morning.

Now, I have learned over the years that I am often able to "pep-talk" myself through these tough moments... I can only imagine what people think if they ever hear me talking to myself.  "Ok, Jenn - Shake it off."  "You get to choose, choose to have a better day."  "It's a beautiful day, soak it all in."  And in case you are wondering, yes, I do say these things to myself OUT LOUD!  More often than not, the self affirmations actually do the trick too, or at least set me on the right path for making positive change.

Today though, I came across this facebook post that blows my pep-talks out of the water.  I adore this guy... His post is raw, and he is clearly emotional.  (don't worry though, no awkward man blubbering) Honestly, I completely related to his post because that was me just last week.  You can watch his video here.    

So here's the deal... He was having the ultimate crap day, feeling sorry for himself and letting the small stuff get to him.  On a whim, he made a decision that changed not only his day but someone else's too.

I loved this because it was simple, but I feel like it can be even bigger.  As big as you need it to be to make the change you need in your day or in your life.  The fastest and easiest way to bring yourself up, is to do something kind for someone else.  Sometimes something as simple as giving flowers to a woman in a parking lot is enough to change the outcome of your whole day.  And sometimes you need to make bigger changes to create a larger impact on your reality.  If it feels more that your life is off track, rather than just your day, maybe it's time to add some "feel-good" extra curricular activities such as volunteering for a cause that you feel passionate about, or befriending an elderly neighbor.

It is so easy to hibernate when we feel lousy about ourselves, but the reality is, the more we isolate ourselves the worse things feel.  I am so grateful for this guys decision to share his experience as it has changed the way that I think about my own coping mechanisms.  The next time I find myself in the midst of a crap day, I am going to put this method into action and become the positive change I need.

Have a story like this one?  I'd love to hear it!    
  

Have you laughed today?

It's days like today, when the air is chilly and the sky is grey that I just want to curl up in a ball and pretend that the world doesn't exist!  We got a pellet stove over the winter, and having it blasting away in our family room makes getting up and out into the chill all that more difficult.

But here I am... At work.  Clearly, I am working very hard at the moment.  (In truth, I am taking a much needed break in the writing of a brutally long grant)  I came across this little gem on the internet while pondering the "amazing lives" of my many acquaintances on Facebook.  

It's worth the break in reading to watch - Click here.  (and turn the volume up!)

Can I just say... This made my whole day.  I absolutely love how they got the progression of this on film.  First, the man starts laughing, and people start looking skeptically, is this guy crazy?  unhinged? am I safe next to this lunatic? ...  And then, as he unabashedly continues and his laughter gets louder and more uncontrolled, it starts to become catching, and people all around begin giggling and then full on laughing out loud with this guy who is, at this point, hysterically laughing.

What I love more than the quick laugh though, is the message behind it.  We don't often put thought into how our actions and behaviors impact the people around us.  Sure, we know that when we come home in a mood, it can ruin the mood for our whole family, but I'm talking about the random impressions that we are making all day long.  Did you smile at the dunkin donuts cashier when they handed you your coffee this morning?  Or at the random neighbor who was walking their dog when you got into your car to go to work?  Did you smile at the stranger in the elevator or the people you passed on your way into the office?

Why not?

I love to smile... For many reasons.  The most obvious being a personal need for politeness, sometimes to force myself into the right frame of mind, and occasionally to shake someone else out of their comfort zone.  I know it's bad, but I simply can't help smiling wide at someone who looks like their smile button is permanently broken.  Regardless of my purpose though, I hope that I am leaving a path of smiles in my wake everywhere I go.  (Even if they are smiling and thinking to themselves, she's crazy!)

Something as simple as a smile, or even the brief kindness of a stranger as they pass you by, is all you need to change the outlook on your day.  Why not make someone's day today.  Slap a big old smile on your face as you head out to lunch, or when you swing by the grocery store on your way home.  (true happiness not required - just a sincere smile)  Happiness, smiles and laughter are contagious, and I'd bet money on the fact that you will find this simple effort will change more than just the attitudes of the people around you.    

Are we there yet?

As kids and even in adulthood, we create images in our minds of what things should look like at different stages in our lives.  Its funny, because we are basing our ideas off our less mature experiences... but yet, we still seem to struggle when the mature reality doesn't match up with our imagination.

I guess it is kind of like reading a book and then watching the movie... EVERY single time, We get all jazzed up about seeing the movie and watching how the story that we have connected with is presented.  And then EVERY single time we walk away feeling a little unfulfilled.  Somehow the way that we had imagined it was bigger, was more than what they put on screen... or, the elements that spoke to us at the time, were left out or down played.

Well, the same goes for real life.  The question is, why do we torture ourselves?  Seriously...  How can I teach my daughter to see things differently.

My husband and I have been talking a lot lately about his job.  Last October, he finally landed the job that he has spent his whole adult life working towards.  He is a chef, and has worked his way up from culinary school, to line cook, banquet chef, to Sous Chef...  and finally he is the Executive Chef of a pretty well known swanky Counrty Club.  I'm not afraid to say it, he's kind of a big deal!  Yet, somehow when he looks in the mirror, he still sees that 22 year old kid with no experience.

Now, as a whole, he's the kind of guy who spends a lot of time thinking.  Sometimes about the strangest things... but often times, his thoughts are very reflective.  (otherwise, he is searching for the perfect theme song to his life at that moment - seriously)  Throughout our relationship, he has always had moments when he would come to me and share with me how appreciative he is of the life we have together.  But somewhere along the line, he created a list of things that he felt were necessary for life at certain ages.  He pictured the kind of car he would drive, and the Rolex watch that he would get for his 40th birthday... and the kind of success he would have in his career.  You know, normal "guy stuff" I guess.

But here he is at 44 years of age, and he doesn't see the man he envisioned.  He pictured this confident Executive Chef who's got all his stuff together.  But when he looks in the mirror, that guy is not there.  He also has these new(er) feelings of fatherhood and family that have altered his views.  He is trying to be everything to everyone and (in his mind) is failing at everything.  Oh, and the fact that I didn't buy him that Rolex probably didn't help... ;)

Here is the part he's missing though.  He IS the man he pictured... When he was a young kid looking at the 40 something Chef's in the kitchen, he wasn't mature enough to see the WHOLE picture.  He wasn't inside that guys head listening to his insecurities.  He wasn't at that guys home, watching how he interacted with his family and whether or not he remembered to put the trash out on trash day.  He only saw what was on the surface, and I am 100% confident that there are young kids getting their start in his kitchen, and basing their expectations off him, just as he did 20 years ago.

I know we all expect to feel different when we "get there," but the daily grind of life doesn't stop.  We are always going to feel out of place as we cross over the threshold into new phases of our lives.  We feel insecure, and uncertain and possibly even that we are not quite up to the task.  Then, over time, we get accustomed to the new things, get into routine, and choose new goals, and new "images" to store in our heads of what our future will look like.  Then we start to feel bored again, and restless that we aren't moving forward fast enough.  (see the cycle happening here?)

Don't let your own thoughts drown out the life that you are living each day.  It doesn't matter if you have reached your goal yet, or if you just took a huge leap forward, life is what happens during the in between moments when you aren't paying attention.  Pay attention, try to see yourself through others eyes, and choose to enjoy the ride... bumps and all.  I promise you, it will be worth it.  

Oh and P.S. I am pretty sure that guys Rolex was a fake honey... Just saying.

Oddly, this was the only picture
I could find of him in the kitchen...!  

Lean on me

I'm not sure if I've mentioned before how incredibly blessed I have been in friendship.

It took me a long while in life to find my place.  I've had a few awkward phases, to say the least.... in fact, those closest to me would probably say that I exists permanently in an awkward phase, though I am better for it I'm sure.  But, regardless of my quirks and imperfections, I have found my "tribe."  The people who appreciate my frankness, and honesty and who seek me out knowing that I will be honest and loyal and fair (and apparently stubborn too), always and to a fault.

This past year has been a tough one.  As a group, and individually we have faced some pretty wild challenges.  You never really know until you are in the tight places how people will respond, whether or not the relationships you have built in the "good times" will weather the more difficult ones...  And I think often people are forced to face hard truths in these situations, learning not just about the strength of your own being, but of those closest to you too.

When I say that I am blessed in friendship, I am not exaggerating.  Nothing less than Godly intervention could create the love and support I have seen this past year.  To have a friend (friends) who know your challenges...  for me, it is a constant fight with infertility and all the "joys" that go with... and aren't afraid to ask the difficult questions and who check in with you sometimes DAILY just because.

These are the people who snap chat ridiculous pictures of themselves and their kids just to brighten your day... and who will take your call when you are sobbing and hyperventilating because a squirrel ate through your plumbing.  And, on occasion, I am proud to BE the friend who can "take charge, and get things done with out stress" too.  (though I'm still not sure that isn't code for bossy and obnoxious...)  ;)

Anyhow, I hope that I can look back to these moments, even to this post... in the moments when I am struggling, as a reminder.  Because we all need reminders, constant touches that let us know that we are not alone as we work to climb the mountains that life puts in our path.

And for the moments when I do forget... My mom gave me this "saying" for Christmas last year... and I keep it where I will see it and read it every single day.  (this is a nice way of saying that I keep it in the bathroom, right next to the toilet!)

Feel free to hang the picture of my toilet, next to your toilet for inspiration if that helps.

Back on the horse

Maybe it's the half bottle of Prosecco, or the series finale of Downton Abbey that has inspired me to start writing again... Or maybe it's me.

So much has happened in the last year or so since my last post.  So many things that have changed me, both for better and for worse, and for a while, I wasn't 100% sure where to find the "positive thought" that fuels my daily existence.  Not so say that I have been unhappy, or that I have even had a difficult time of it, really.  I think we all go through moments in our lives where we question things.  We question ourselves, our relationships, those around us... life, God, everything.

But here I am facing a reality that I truly thought was out of my reach.  Do I have everything I ever dreamed of...?  Of course not.  When I get there, I know I'm in trouble.  Everyone needs to dream, to reach and to have a goal that seems just a little bit unrealistic.  What I am continually baffled by though, is how often we find ourselves in these places where we feel that things will never change.  We look at our future lives and wonder how it will be, will we ever get there.

And then a few years later we reflect and think, Wow.  I spend so much time being afraid of what might be, that I missed the moments that got me there.  

I specifically remember being at my college orientation.  They had a psychic there who was of course answering questions and putting on a spectacular show for the whole freshman class... and I vividly remember being so worried that I wouldn't make the cheer-leading squad.  (It seems so trivial now, but at the time, this was my biggest worry)  So, I wrote down my question on the index card that was handed to me, crossed my fingers, and amazingly, out of all the people in the room, the psychic read off my question aloud!

He said to me, (well, to the room... these were of course somewhat anonymous) "J.M. you will make the team, but you might be surprised to realize that it will not fulfill you in the way you expect" and he was right.  After my freshman year, I did move on to bigger and better things.  He was right then, and I expect he'd be right over and over again given my similarly "serious" and occasionally silly questions in life.  Each and every one of my "will I's" and "what if's" has been answered, just in ways that I never expected.

So... Here I am, sitting in my home (did you catch that part?...  MY HOME, the one I thought we'd never have) with my loving and unique husband and my wild and crazy daughter asleep upstairs.  I'm still not sure what the future will bring, and I am confident that there will be plenty of ups and downs, but I do know this much... what you look for in life, you get.  What you see in others, exists in you.  What you send out into the world, will come back to you in its own way.  

Do good, be kind and open your mind to something new each and every day.

Until next time, Good night.