I guess it is kind of like reading a book and then watching the movie... EVERY single time, We get all jazzed up about seeing the movie and watching how the story that we have connected with is presented. And then EVERY single time we walk away feeling a little unfulfilled. Somehow the way that we had imagined it was bigger, was more than what they put on screen... or, the elements that spoke to us at the time, were left out or down played.
Well, the same goes for real life. The question is, why do we torture ourselves? Seriously... How can I teach my daughter to see things differently.
My husband and I have been talking a lot lately about his job. Last October, he finally landed the job that he has spent his whole adult life working towards. He is a chef, and has worked his way up from culinary school, to line cook, banquet chef, to Sous Chef... and finally he is the Executive Chef of a pretty well known swanky Counrty Club. I'm not afraid to say it, he's kind of a big deal! Yet, somehow when he looks in the mirror, he still sees that 22 year old kid with no experience.
Now, as a whole, he's the kind of guy who spends a lot of time thinking. Sometimes about the strangest things... but often times, his thoughts are very reflective. (otherwise, he is searching for the perfect theme song to his life at that moment - seriously) Throughout our relationship, he has always had moments when he would come to me and share with me how appreciative he is of the life we have together. But somewhere along the line, he created a list of things that he felt were necessary for life at certain ages. He pictured the kind of car he would drive, and the Rolex watch that he would get for his 40th birthday... and the kind of success he would have in his career. You know, normal "guy stuff" I guess.
But here he is at 44 years of age, and he doesn't see the man he envisioned. He pictured this confident Executive Chef who's got all his stuff together. But when he looks in the mirror, that guy is not there. He also has these new(er) feelings of fatherhood and family that have altered his views. He is trying to be everything to everyone and (in his mind) is failing at everything. Oh, and the fact that I didn't buy him that Rolex probably didn't help... ;)
Here is the part he's missing though. He IS the man he pictured... When he was a young kid looking at the 40 something Chef's in the kitchen, he wasn't mature enough to see the WHOLE picture. He wasn't inside that guys head listening to his insecurities. He wasn't at that guys home, watching how he interacted with his family and whether or not he remembered to put the trash out on trash day. He only saw what was on the surface, and I am 100% confident that there are young kids getting their start in his kitchen, and basing their expectations off him, just as he did 20 years ago.
I know we all expect to feel different when we "get there," but the daily grind of life doesn't stop. We are always going to feel out of place as we cross over the threshold into new phases of our lives. We feel insecure, and uncertain and possibly even that we are not quite up to the task. Then, over time, we get accustomed to the new things, get into routine, and choose new goals, and new "images" to store in our heads of what our future will look like. Then we start to feel bored again, and restless that we aren't moving forward fast enough. (see the cycle happening here?)
Don't let your own thoughts drown out the life that you are living each day. It doesn't matter if you have reached your goal yet, or if you just took a huge leap forward, life is what happens during the in between moments when you aren't paying attention. Pay attention, try to see yourself through others eyes, and choose to enjoy the ride... bumps and all. I promise you, it will be worth it.
Oh and P.S. I am pretty sure that guys Rolex was a fake honey... Just saying.
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| Oddly, this was the only picture I could find of him in the kitchen...! |
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