So much has happened in the last year or so since my last post. So many things that have changed me, both for better and for worse, and for a while, I wasn't 100% sure where to find the "positive thought" that fuels my daily existence. Not so say that I have been unhappy, or that I have even had a difficult time of it, really. I think we all go through moments in our lives where we question things. We question ourselves, our relationships, those around us... life, God, everything.
But here I am facing a reality that I truly thought was out of my reach. Do I have everything I ever dreamed of...? Of course not. When I get there, I know I'm in trouble. Everyone needs to dream, to reach and to have a goal that seems just a little bit unrealistic. What I am continually baffled by though, is how often we find ourselves in these places where we feel that things will never change. We look at our future lives and wonder how it will be, will we ever get there.
And then a few years later we reflect and think, Wow. I spend so much time being afraid of what might be, that I missed the moments that got me there.
I specifically remember being at my college orientation. They had a psychic there who was of course answering questions and putting on a spectacular show for the whole freshman class... and I vividly remember being so worried that I wouldn't make the cheer-leading squad. (It seems so trivial now, but at the time, this was my biggest worry) So, I wrote down my question on the index card that was handed to me, crossed my fingers, and amazingly, out of all the people in the room, the psychic read off my question aloud!
He said to me, (well, to the room... these were of course somewhat anonymous) "J.M. you will make the team, but you might be surprised to realize that it will not fulfill you in the way you expect" and he was right. After my freshman year, I did move on to bigger and better things. He was right then, and I expect he'd be right over and over again given my similarly "serious" and occasionally silly questions in life. Each and every one of my "will I's" and "what if's" has been answered, just in ways that I never expected.
So... Here I am, sitting in my home (did you catch that part?... MY HOME, the one I thought we'd never have) with my loving and unique husband and my wild and crazy daughter asleep upstairs. I'm still not sure what the future will bring, and I am confident that there will be plenty of ups and downs, but I do know this much... what you look for in life, you get. What you see in others, exists in you. What you send out into the world, will come back to you in its own way.
Do good, be kind and open your mind to something new each and every day.
Until next time, Good night.
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